Bonus Content: Milk the Cow!

A song about the dangers of drink and dairy farming.

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Lyrics
If you set out to milk a cow the best time is a dawn It’s best to do in it the light and with your glasses on You’ll want to be a sober lad and not like Farmer John Went out blind drunk at midnight and it left him quite forlorn

Milk the cow, milk the cow Put your glasses on ‘Cause what your milking not a cow and milking that’s just wrong

Well, Farmer John went a’milking along the creek so fair He saw his own reflection, thought ‘no that’s my cow right there’ He reached into the water, grab something down in the sand He tried his best to milk an eel, it bit him in the hand

Milk the cow, milk the cow Put your glasses on ‘Cause what your milking not a cow and milking that’s just wrong

Well, Farmer John went a’milking upon the village green He stumbled drunk into the church to milk what could be seen He found something long and hanging and grabbed it, “what the ‘ell” He woke up all the parish as he milked the church’s bell

Milk the cow, milk the cow Put your glasses on ‘Cause what your milking not a cow and milking that’s just wrong

Well, Farmer John went a’milking into a privet hedge He saw what he thought was a cow upon a window ledge But when he started stroking it, he howled to the pines For what he thought was an udder was full of cactus spines

Milk the cow, milk the cow Put your glasses on ‘Cause what your milking not a cow and milking that’s just wrong

Well, Farmer John went a’milking, he can’t believe his eyes A paddock of four-legged beasts, at last he’s found his prize Now very little milk comes out, no matter how he pulls He only fills a quarter pail because he’s milking bulls

Milk the cow, milk the cow Put your glasses on ‘Cause what your milking not a cow and milking that’s just wrong

Well, Farmer John went a’milking into the city hall The cow gave up a lot of milk from one udder quite small Now John thought there was something odd when the cow said “Please more” For when he walked off with his pail, he’d milked the town mayor

Milk the cow, milk the cow Put your glasses on ‘Cause what your milking not a cow and milking that’s just wrong

Well, Farmer John went a’milking upon his milking stool And all the cows are lining up to be milked by this fool And after they fill up his pail those cows leave with a sigh But the next day no village man can look him in the eye

Milk the cow, milk the cow Put your glasses on ‘Cause what your milking not a cow and milking that’s just wrong