Bonus Content: The Milkmaid

A song about lust, theft and dairy products.

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Lyrics
Oh, when I was in Wainwall A milkmaid there I found With Wendish eyes so bright and blue And wheels of cheese so round

She was pretty, She was willing She got on her knees And I reached over that milkmaid’s head And stole away her cheese

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

I knew a fine Meadmerish lad Who wore a pretty frown He had as well a fine fur cap Perched on his furrowed brow

Now Meadmere is quite chilly He swore to keep me warm But when he woke, he got a shock Both cap and I were gone

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

A pretty Drynese scholar Was always one to swallow Fine words from leather bound books Down in her library hollow

The beauty of her body Was outshone by her smile And by her thick red volumes When I stole the bloody pile

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

A Tryrion Archbishop A handsome man of cloth His voice was filled with passions Both in loving and in wroth

I got down on my knees I worked upon his lock And I can hear his fervent cry “Where’s the collection box?”

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

I knew a Suulish lady With beauty, grace and style Who once taught me a special trick That always made her smile

But courtly love is patient And I can get quite bored And in the chase, things heated up I stole the family sword

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

Now those who trade with merchants Know nothing comes for free And my Ferosan paramour In price he shafted me

But I think I recouped the cost I spent upon his loins When I fingered his silken purse And lifted all his coin

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

My next romantic pleasure From some may earn me scorn For tired of continentals I seduced a Dragonborn

Her scales were course and grinding She left me rather sore But I think it was worth the cost I made off with her hoard

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

I met a well-fed Halfling Who owned a restaurant He shared some family recipes While I got what I want

I polished off his six course meal And polished him off too Then I cleared out the petty cash And nicked the candles too

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

I knew an Orcish pirate With quite a pleasant musk You haven’t lived until You’ve felt what they can do with tusks

When cleaning out his musket I lent a helping hand I stole the gun, the ship as well And left him on dry land

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese

Minstrels love our comforts A drink, a song and wealth But other bards can prove To be a hazard to your health

She was pretty, she was skillful She brought me to my knees And when back was turned, of course She made off with my cheese

Oh, the kisses may come, and the kisses may go There always time for sleaze But when the milkmaid turns her back Be sure sure to steal the cheese